i fall too quick & its a struggle to get back up
To everyone who has ever tried to love me most – I am sorry.
To all the mouths that have spilled words telling me there is no cherishing stronger than theirs, that I was meant to be held in their hands – I am sorry.
To the girls with the brown eyes and the hungry mouths – I am sorry.
To the boys with the wide palms and the greedy hearts – I am sorry.
I am sorry, to all those who have tried and failed to love me hardest. I cannot be swallowed by your mouths, no matter how smeared with lipstick. I was meant to walk these waters alone, you see, with my pinwheel heart pounding through my ribs. To everyone who has held me in their porcelain fingers and asked to fix me, I am sorry but there is nothing to fix here, I am happy to captain this wrecked vessel without your winds to keep me afloat. When you said “but I love you most,” I wanted to bite through your tongue. It wasn’t ever about most because that was not a place for you. You were meant to love me, yes, but never most. Never to take the place of the nights my arms were the only things there to hold me, the days when I almost quit. You said “baby, face the facts, I am everything to you,” and I kept myself from spitting acid only because sometimes I don’t want to be the only one that loves me. But then I remembered the nights when you were not there, the Thursday afternoon I spent in the backseat of your car choking down tears, the way you never made enough space for me, and I have learned that I must be my own crew, I must weather this storm alone. Your love did not hold water when I sank. Your love was a word and a pair of hands greedy for sex, your love was never mascara tracks at two a.m. with ripped cloth under your fingernails. Your love was never mine to have.
To those who tried to love me more – I am sorry. But this vessel is not yours to command, I am my own survival. When you ask if I have ever been held so tenderly, I will say the softest hands are my own. When you ask how I like my lovers, I will say “alone, please and thank you.” I have learned that love cannot save me when the deck of my ship shatters and the seas pitch and roll. I must patch myself, when the storm blows over. I must always be my own hurricane and hero."
This was too hard to narrow down, so I upped it to top ten because it’s my blog and I do what I want.
10. In Ohio
most guys never seem to get that….
I can finally accept that I won’t have any male friends.
Shit…they’re on to us Fellas
the gifs lmfao